The Approach
Learn how to approach anyone
By Neal Talbot, All-Star contributor
Updated: 4:16PM, September 1, 2008
Approaching is simple. It's fun. It's exciting. It's easy. And when done correctly... your approach will nearly always be welcomed. So calm your nerves, sharpen your smile, stop waiting for the perfect opportunity, and go introduce yourself.
The dating world is a numbers game. The more people you meet, the better your chances of finding that 'special someone.' And the quickest way to meet new people is to approach them. Whether it's through direct or indirect approach methods, the key is your willingness to approach.
The problem for most people is approach anxiety. The fear of rejection can be paralysing. It keeps singles in constant fear of approaching new people, over-dependant on their social circle, and more often than not - single.
Singles have to realize approaching is actually a no-risk proposition. If the approach goes well, you might land a date with an attractive single. If not, you're no worse off than if you never approached. The only thing singles should fear is arriving home and kicking themselves for not approaching someone they were interested in.
Singles who understand the basics to approach and are willing to approach, quickly realize how easy and exciting it is. They are suddenly able to make new friends and line up new dates everywhere they go. They are able to approach anyone, anywhere. And they don't stay single for very long.
Approach anxiety
The fear of approaching is easily overcome. Why? When you learn proper approach techniques and start approaching other singles, you quickly realize you have nothing to fear. The little voice inside you head telling you not to approach is your ego. It doesn't want to get bruised. So toughen it up with some experience and watch your approach success rate skyrocket.
Plan ahead
If you know what you're going to say before you approach, your approach anxiety will lessen with every step. Choose a conversation starter to use before you approach. Trying to come up with something on your feet makes the approach more stressful and less successful.
Proper perspective
There is no reason to fear the approach. If your approach goes bad and they're not interested in talking, it's not going to headline the evening news. No one's going to care. Approaching a no-lose proposition. The worst case scenario is you being no worse off than if you never approached.
Check your ego
If someone isn't interested in a conversation, it doesn't say anything negative about you. Don't let it damage your ego. You know how amazing you are. Nothing should be able to change that. If you continue to approach, you'll find lots of people who will believe you're amazing too.
Focus on people, not final outcomes
Go into an approach with the goal of meeting someone new. If you have an amazing conversation, that's great. If you get a number, that's awesome. If it goes nowhere, that's fine too. If you go in thinking you have to get their number, you'll increase your anxiety and lower your chances of landing it. Focus on meeting new people, not inflating your ego.
Act quickly
The quicker you approach someone, the less time you'll have to talk yourself out of it. Spot someone who interests you, plan an approach, think of an opening line and go. One way to overcome anxiety is if you don't give it time to kick in.
If you don't approach quickly you can start circling. This is intentionally or unintentionally staying in someone's field of vision hoping they will approach you. You may think this is safe and smart, but it actually makes you look like a shark circling its prey.
Expect success
Let your worries melt away. Visualize having a successful conversation. Odds are when you approach - you'll have one. The expectations of success will see you walk with better body language, open with a stronger personality and earn the results you expected. A positive mindset gets positive results.
Work in stages
If your approach anxiety is crippling, leaving you tongue-tied, light-headed or sweating profusely around anyone you're attracted to, start with something simple. Pick an interaction you find relatively easy and slowly work your way up to more difficult interactions.
Get used to asking unattractive strangers what time it is. Then ask moderately attractive strangers directions. Then ask an attractive stranger where the closest coffee shop is. Once that's easy, continue the conversation further by asking if that's their favorite coffee shop. Keep it up until you are comfortable enough to have lengthy conversations.
CONTINUED: Approach Physics1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Next >
Alexander Hafemann / iStockphoto.com
Singles who don't fear approaching others rarely stay single for very long.
| APPROACH TIPS |
| Great conversation is always welcome |
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Most singles are shocked that the majority of their approaches are successful. It's no surprise. Life can be drab. It's exciting to meet new people. To talk about new things. It's always more exciting learning about someone new than it is listening to your friend tell their favorite joke for the 50th time. - AllStarDatingTips.com |
