The Approach
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Direct Approach
The direct approach is exactly what it sounds like. If you see someone you're interested in, you walk over and let them know you're interested. It's bold. It's confident. It's authentic. And best of all - it's easy - because the direct approach is based on the power of personality.
While everyone else is using cheesy pickup lines, pretending to bump into them or sending them free drinks because they're afraid to be vulnerable, the direct approach offers a breath of fresh air. An air of honesty. There's no games. No memorized routines. No pretending you're not interested.
The direct approach most often involves offering a challenging complement to break the ice. This works, when all other compliments fail, because it attaches expectations to live up to. Using this style of compliment shows confidence, class and moxie. It immediately separates you from everyone else.
Now that you've shown you're unique. That you have standards they're going to have to live up to. It should make it easier to move directly into a conversation because you've piqued their interest. This is the advantage the direct approach has over the indirect approach. It is more powerful and moves quicker into conversation.
Key feature: Strength
The direct approach shows no weakness by challenging the other person to prove they were worth coming over for. It indicates interest and places expectations. It shows vulnerability but still oozes confidence.
Key feature: Speed
The direct approach allows you to skip past all the fluff and posturing. If the person is already interested in getting to know you better, it can save you hours of trying to impress them.
Direct openers
Keep them short and sweet. The goal of a direct opener is to bypass small talk as quickly as possible and dive into an interesting conversation. This is done through an immediate follow-up statement that ties directly into the opener.
Opener #1: "Hi, my name is Gabriel. I was sitting over there and couldn't help notice how intriguing you are. I had to come over a meet you." Follow up: "So what do you consider your most intriguing aspect?"
Opener #2: "Hi, my name is Jennifer. I was over talking with some friends when you walked in and I couldn’t help but notice you have an amazing presence." Follow up: "What's your secret?"
Opener #3: “Hi. My name is Dustin. I was sitting over there and couldn't help notice how beautiful you are. I had to come over and meet you.” Follow up: “What do you consider your most attractive feature?”
Transition to conversation
The opener and follow-up should consist of a statement and open-ended question. This allows an immediate transition into a topic of conversation because it doesn't offer the person a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer. It also allows them to talk about a perceived strength, which makes them more eager to answer.
Compliment purpose
Use the compliment to challenge - not kiss up. Provide them with a lofty expectation they want to live up to and that you're expecting them to live up to. This immediately evens up the playing field because you haven't showed any weakness, but yet have expressed your interest in them.
Too often people offer unearned compliments. People don't respect things they haven't earned. So offer a challenge disguised as a complement instead. Make them strive for a real compliment. Hand out real complements only when they've done something to impress you or have just given you a compliment.
Approach invites
Keep and eye out for unspoken approach invitations. Read the body language of everyone around you. If you're unsure of what to look for or are not receiving any invites, look for those wearing approach invitations. People wear colorful necklaces, bright clothing and unique accessories to attract approaches.
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Eileen Hart / iStockphoto.com
The direct approach allows you to skip past all the fluff and posturing.
| APPROACH TIPS |
| Everyone loves butterflies |
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Be a social butterfly. No one feels threatened by someone who's fun and friendly to everyone. By walking around and befriending groups, you can introduce them to one another. You can improve the quality of the time everyone spends around you. An added bonus of being a social butterfly is more people will begin to approach you. - allstardatingtips.com |
