Creating Sexual Tension
How to create that seductive 'spark'
By Carlos Xuma, All-Star contributor
Updated: 4:19AM, March 1, 2008
One thing that is critical for developing the type of attraction that will lead to your eventual seduction success is learning how to build and nurture the sexual tension between you.
Remember that when you first begin to interact with someone, unless they already have a strong initial attraction for you - sometimes known as "chemistry," you are in a neutral zone with them. This is a place where they have yet to make up their mind as to whether you are interesting to them or not.
Now, you can choose to sift through dozens and dozens of people looking for the few that you have that instant "chemistry" with, but I find it much more practical to stimulate the person's attraction so that they have that chemistry right away, and then I can choose whether or not to act on my own attraction. It's like getting a pre-approved loan and knowing you could go out and buy that new Porsche, but it's your choice.
This is what attraction is all about. Having your own choice as to whether a person interests you or not, not the other way around.
In order to get that tension going - a necessary tension - you need to zap them out of their neutral funk and get them into feeling excitement. There are many ways to do this:
1. Teasing - You find little areas of insecurity, and you play with them a little. This isn't to belittle them or make them feel bad about themself, but to demonstrate your own confidence and security by showing that you're aware of your own dominance and that you do not fear them.
Teasing also lowers their guard a little so that you can reach that "real" part of their personality that they are cloaking with defensive behavior. (Sometimes called "tease to please")
2. Humor - Humor takes the edge off your teasing. People are dying to laugh. There are so many singles out there that have zero humor to them. They take everything too seriously which - honestly - creeps them out.
Compare: A person with humor enjoys life, is relaxed enough to find the fun in everything, and shows that they have a sense of inner calm. A person without humor is not relaxed, takes things way too seriously, and tends to smother and convey insecurity with their intense behavior.
3. Contradiction - An independent, secure single can express their own opinion (and must). You should make it a point to contradict their opinion from time to time just to demonstrate that you do not need their approval. You don't do it to prove them wrong, but to state your own belief in clear terms. And this includes calling them on any bratty behavior, as well as taking control when the situation demands it.
This may be the toughest behavior for most "nice guys/girls" to adopt. And it will also sound radically contrary to what you've been brought up to believe by the media and your mom.
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Dating expert Carlos Xuma says singles have to develop sexual tension.
| Carlos Xuma |
| The Alpha Male of dating |
|
Carlos Xuma is a well-known expert in the dating field and an author of best-selling e-books such as Secrets of the Alpha Male, Approach Women - NOW! and Alpha Immersion. Xuma has been featured in Maxim, Playboy radio and is a favorite of online advice websites. Xuma offers dating help for both men and women and can always be reached at www.datingdynamics.com. - AllStarDatingTips.com |
