Conversation Skills
continued...
If you've developed a relationship, and the time is right, then you can discuss the state of your finances. If you want to subtly show you have money, without looking narcissistic, tell stories of skiing in Switzerland, swimming with seal lions in the Galapagos or brunch with Donald Trump. Drop subtle hints.
The ex
Leave your past in the past. If the topic comes up, complement the positive aspects of your ex and then add, "but it just didn't work out." Focus on what your conversation partner wants in their future, their immediate goals, their favorite flavor of ice cream - anything positive and fun. Talking about failed relationships is everything but.
People make the mistake of talking trash about their ex's, not realizing it actually lowers their value. If you went out with an amazing woman - you must be amazing too. If you went out with flawed man - you must be flawed too. If you only go out with special singles, you insinuate you're special and you won't settle for anything less.
Politics/Religion
In the dating world it doesn't really matter if you're a democrat or republican. A Conservative or Liberal. A Catholic or Baptist. Whether you pray to God or Allah. It's only a part of your personality. People of all political and religious backgrounds haven't let their differences get in their way. Attraction, for most people, is based purely on personality.
Unless you will only date people of a certain political party, religion or ethnic group, leave politics and religion out of the conversation. All you risk doing is alienating someone before they get to know the real you. You can smooth out disagreements on political parties or religions after a connection is formed. So leave what's happening on the Hill to the politicians and what afterlife holds in the hands of your maker.
INTRODUCTIONS
During Introductions
Being introduced to strangers can be awkward if you don't make an effort to connect with them, even if it's just for a moment. So when you're being introduced, be sure to make solid eye contact, give them a firm handshake, repeat their name and introduce yourself.
Saying, "Hi Erin. I'm Gabriel. It's very nice to meet you," while looking them in the eye and firmly shaking their hand tells them a lot about you. Doing this, instead of offering a friendly wave and a nod, shows them you're interested in knowing them as a person, which makes them feel important.
Reintroductions
Greeting people you already know is easy. Women get a friendly, energetic hug. Men get a firm handshake with you placing your other hand on their forearm or shoulder. Both should also get a friendly complement about their appearance. Like the earlier introduction, this makes them feel important and excited to see you again.
Shaking Hands
Good handshakes are hard to find, but easy to do. Have your hands meet so the fleshy part between your thumb and first finger touch, firmly squeeze the person's hand for a second or two, release, and return your hand to your side. Squeezing their fingers, instead of their hand, shows social inexperience.
INTEREST INDICATORS
Interest
You'll be able to tell if someone is interested in you by noticing specific verbal and physical cues. Body language is a great interest indicator, but not as reliable as verbal or physical cues. However, these cues can easily be missed by the untrained eye. So listen carefully for verbal cues and test those cues through physical contact.
Verbal cues: Asking your name, inquiring about your profession, requesting personal history, laughing at anything remotely funny, genuine answers and questions.
Physical contact: When holding their hand, you loosen your grip, and they hold on. If you squeeze their hand and they squeeze back. Placing a hand on a shoulder, forearm or thigh and gripping lightly and they remain calm. If you touch them, they touch you back.
Disinterest
There are also a number of signs your conversation is taking a turn for the worst or the person simply isn't interested in you. If you get disinterested verbal and physical cues change topics or politely excuse yourself and move on to someone who is more receptive.
Verbal cues: Short 'yes' or 'no' answers. Frequent sighing and yawns. A sarcastic tone of voice. Constant clearing of the throat. A drumming of fingers. Uncomfortable delays between answers.
Physical contact: No physical contact. The distance between you grows larger. If someone is reluctant to touch you, they're not interested.
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Lev Dolgatshjov / iStockphoto.com
Stear clear of taboo topics like sex, the ex, money and religion.
| CONVERSATION TIPS |
| Keep your eyes peeled for cues |
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Like a crime scene detective, a social scientist should be able spot hidden cues. Unknown to many singles is the fact they're getting verbal and physical cues all through the conversation. It's important singles pick these up. These cues can tell you if you should continue on topic, change to another topic or strike up a conversation with someone else. - allstardatingtips.com |
