Stop being boring
How to make a positive impression
By David DeAngelo, All-Star contributor
Updated: 8:16AM, April 1, 2008
I realize that this may sound like an obvious statement, but judging by the emails that I get week in and week out, maybe it's not as obvious as it might seem to some singles. In fact, when I think back on my own experiences, I am definitely guilty of trying to bore women into feeling attracted to me...
So what do I mean by this silly sounding statement?
Well, let's start with some ideas that I hear in one form or another all the time:
"I was a perfect gentleman on our date, but she didn't call me back, and I can't reach her..." or "I don't want to use any 'techniques' with women because I feel like that would be 'manipulating' her..." or "I want a girl who will like me for who I am..."
I give her everything she wants, take her out, buy her things, and I don't understand why she doesn't feel the same way towards me that I feel towards her..." or "She tells me that she only likes me as a friend, then she goes out with these guys who treat her like crap instead of going out with a guy like me that would treat her wonderfully and give her everything she wants..."
And the list goes on and on...
Now, I realize that these statements are actually different from each other, and deal with different issues. But the common denominator in each of them is: You’re not behaving in a way that is pushing her attraction buttons.
In most of these cases, you’re guilty of trying to bore her into feeling attracted to you.
I got one letter recently where a guy was telling me that he had taken a girl out on a date, but that there wasn't any "spark"... but he still felt attracted to the girl. He seemed to think that just because nothing obvious was bad about the date, that this girl should also feel attracted to him. (Maybe he thought that a few more uninteresting, boring dates would cause her to open her eyes and see the light).
Here are a few common problems that lead to "boring date-itis":
1. Playing it "safe", following her lead, not saying anything you think will upset her, and making sure that you're "proper".
2. Talking about boring things like jobs, family, weather, etc. because it's "what people talk about to get to know each other."
3. Being boring.
PLAYING IT SAFE
I can remember when I thought that the proper way to act on a date was to talk about socially acceptable topics, act sterile and quiet, and generally try to make sure that she got whatever she wanted.
Oh, was this a huge mistake. Generally speaking, women are bored to death by this type of behavior.
When you meet a girl for a cup of tea or go out to dinner, it's time to have fun, not to be her personal ass kisser! Playing it safe and kissing up to her is a sure way to get either an expensive relationship or a woman who won't call you back.
TALKING ABOUT BORING THINGS
Don't talk about your job and your family! Boring!
Guys who are trying to convince women that they're "nice" talk about their families (If you really want to be a loser, carry pictures around with you and show them off.). Talking about families is "courtship" behavior, and it will put her into the old "this guy is boring" frame of mind. Unless you're related to John F. Kennedy or someone even more interesting, keep the family history to yourself! BEING BORING.
CONTINUED: Boring to breathtaking1 | 2 | Next >
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Dating expert David Wygant looks at different communication styles.
| DAVID DeANGELO |
| An internet dating powerhouse |
|
David DeAngelo is an American entrepreneur, author and dating advisor. He is the founder of Double Your Dating, a company providing dating advice to men and women. DeAngelo is one of the world's most recognized names in the dating industry, offering downloadable e-books, audio CD and training DVDs to singles looking to improve their social skills. He can be found at www.doubleyourdating.com. - allstardatingtips.com |
