Communication Styles
'He talkers' and 'she talkers'
By David Wygant, All-Star contributor
Updated: 8:16AM, February 14, 2008
Recently I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine, and it went like this:
FF: It's amazing how men and women can even communicate, because men and women have such different talking styles.
DW: Men are more random speakers, while women are more bonding conversationalists. Have you ever met a woman who is a random talker?
FF: Yes.
DW: Have you ever met a man who is a bonding talker?
FF: Yes. Those are the men I'm attracted to.This led me to think deeper, and made me realize that some men are actually 'she talkers' while some women are actually 'he talkers.' In order to fully understand this concept, I need to explain to you what the different talking styles are and how they work.
Communication is magic. There are endless books on communication and how to communicate with other people. Communication is probably one of the things at which you can work on become better.
A great communicator has several traits. The following four traits of a great conversationalist are generally traits of a 'she talker:'
1) The ability to observe the actions of those around them. This gives them the ability to create things to talk about with others;
2) The ability to listen. This is the best trait that every great communicator must have;
3) The ability to stay present in the moment. A great communicator is not always thinking about what to say next and does not have a predetermined script in their head of what to say;
4) The ability to relax when speaking with someone. A good conversationalist is able to be okay with what's happening in a conversation, and is not outcome derived when involved in a conversation.
The four traits above are the keys to intriguing and having a great conversation with someone of the opposite sex. Without these, the conversation will likely be unsuccessful.
You're speaking to a hot, sexy woman. If you're not relaxed, you're thinking during the conversation only about how badly you want to go out with her, and you're not listening to her, you're not going to intrigue or affect her which means you will not be going out with her.
Now most people assume that men and women speak a different language... which is true in some respects, but not in others.
The men who are very successful with women have learned the power of 'she talk.' They have learned and mastered all of the 4 traits above of the 'she talker' great conversationalist.
The men who have a hard time connecting with women have the qualities and traits of a 'he talker.'
Here are 4 qualities and traits of a he talker so that you'll know when you're in a conversation with one of them:
1) A 'he talker' has random thoughts running through their head at 100 mph. Women may have perfected multi-tasking, but he talkers have perfected multi-talking, i.e., they will talk about six things at once and then come back to one of the topics later.
2) The ADD Syndrome. A lot of 'he talkers' have trouble concentrating when they talk because they're always, always, always thinking and looking around the room at visual stimuli that makes them lose their train of thought.
3) 'He talkers' are braggarts. They tend to like to boast about their accomplishments, thinking that others are attracted to someone who brags about their car, money or career successes. 'He talkers' will talk to each other this way because they are competitive.
4) 'He talkers' are competitive talkers. When they brag about their careers, other 'he talkers' want to be like them. 'He talkers' are competitive about their sports teams, their golf game and other such things.
Here's where this gets interesting. During more than 10 years of coaching people, I've always coached men in the art of conversation to become 'she talkers.' The men that I've successfully coached have learned the art of 'she talk' and have become very successful with women.
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Dating expert David Wygant looks at different communication styles.
| DAVID WYGANT |
| America's favorite dating instructor |
|
David Wygant is one of the world's most sought after dating experts having appeared on E, Dateline, ABC News, CBS Good Morning, Inside Edition, MTV, Fox News, The Learning Channel, BBC, and Blind Date. David has also been featured in over 200 publications such as Maxim, Men's Health, Cosmopolitan, The Los Angeles Times and worked with Match.com, Yahoo! Personals, and Lavalife. He can always be found at www.davidwygant.com. - allstardatingtips.com |
