Body Of Language
Breaking down body language
By R. Don Steele, All-Star contributor
Updated: 8:19AM, February 14, 2008
Here are crucial statistics about how we homo sapiens communicate with each other during courtship.
- People form 90 percent of their opinion about you in the first 90 seconds.
- Communication is 60 percent nonverbal and 40 percent verbal. Of the verbal portion, only 10 percent is accomplished by the words themselves! The other 30 percent is done by how the words are spoken, inflection and tone of voice.
- Nonverbal communication is achieved by eye contact, posture, gestures, position relative to the listener and the attire of the speaker. But that is not the most significant fact. Here it is - nonverbal signals have five times more impact than verbal signals.
At first, you won't notice all of the signals coming at you. But soon, most of what he, or she, is saying without words will become stunningly obvious. After you get that down, you'll be sending the other person unspoken messages you want them to hear!
IS BODY LANGUAGE FOR REAL?
In the late 1800s, Charles Darwin noted that the meaning of many human gestures was the same the world over. He also noted that some human gestures had the same meaning for the apes as they did for us!
About 70 years later, the science of kinesics, the technical name for body language, was formalized by Dr. Ray Birdwhistell in the early 1950s. I learned the most about this fascinating subject by working as a psychotherapist doing my 5000 hour internship with the Godfather of Self Esteem, Nathaniel Branden, PhD.
In Silence Of The Lambs, Anthony Hopkins convinced us all that he was 'Hannibal The Cannibal.' Skilled actors and experienced liars, such as salespeople and politicians, can control themselves so that the vast part of their of their body language is in accord with their words.
Every “player” and manipulator of both sexes, as well as every other user wants sexual gratification without emotional involvement. Their trademarks are appearing supremely confident, poised and relaxed. That's instead of somewhat excited and nervous as genuine people are.
WHAT IS BODY LANGUAGE?
Everything is body language - tone of voice, clearing our throats, rubbing our eyes, crossing our arms, tapping our toes, touching our nose - everything except the words we say.
Your eye contact, or lack of eye contact, communicates. Your pauses communicate. Your crossed legs communicate. Your open hands
communicate. Your aroma communicates.
In particular, your appearance communicates: hair style, type of eye glasses, accessories, tattoos and your overall choice of attire. How you are dressed is a major part of the message you send, but, it is an even larger part of how your listner receives it.
The way you are dressed dictates how others respond to you. Clothes are a tool you use to control how others react to you and how they treat you.
You cannot not communicate. Each of us reveals our emotional state with nonverbal signals. During courtship, and later in a romantic relationship, knowing what the other person is feeling helps you behave appropriately. But, to know what that person is experiencing, you must attack the environment with your eyes, ears and, yes, your intuition.
WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN MEN
Women's renown intuition arises from the way biology and evolution “wired” female brains. The connection between the left half and the right half of the female brain is much larger in men.
Thus, women can process and integrate rational information from the left half of their brains with sensory and emotional information from the right half and know something accurately without concrete evidence. That's intuition.
A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty.
The larger connection also is the source of their ability to discern extremely subtle changes in patterns. The difference in ability between the sexes is scientifically verifiable from the age of two.
CONTINUED: Signs of Interest1 | 2 | Next >
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Body language expert R. Don Steele breaks down basic body language.
| R. DON STEELE |
| Dating and attraction veteran |
|
R. Don Steele is one of the dating industry's pioneers. Over the last three decades, he has appeared on hundreds of television and radio shows, taught classes on sharpening social skills, and written the best-selling Body Language Secrets. Steele conducts workshops and seminars on body language, office politics, dressing for success and dating/social skills improvement in Los Angeles. He can be found at www.rdonsteele.com. - allstardatingtips.com |
