Body Of Language
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SIGNS OF INTEREST
Here are signs of interest sent from across the room. Most are applicable to both sexes, although a few apply only to women. Those are indicated by italics. The sequence of the list approximates the courtship sequence.
I'M INTERESTED DON'T BOTHER ME
Sidelong glance(s) Never sneaks a peek
Looks at you a few times Fleeting eye contact
Holds your gaze briefly Looks away quickly
Posture changes to alert Posture unchanged
Preens, adjusts hair, attire Does no preening
Turns body toward you Turns body away
Tilts head Head remains vertical
Narrows eyes slightly Eyes remain normal
Twists, tugs at ring Shows ring-back of hand
Smiles Neutral, polite face
Matches your posture Posture unchanged
Eyes sparkle Normal or dull eyes
Licks her lips Keeps mouth closed
Moves hand to her hip Posture unchanged
Thrusts breasts De-emphasize breasts
CLUSTERS OF GESTURES
Believe only half of what you see, and none of what you hear, is exactly right when you are trying to see what someone is nonverbally saying. One gesture is not a message. One posture shift is not a message. One movement is not a message. Look for three or more signs of interest that appear in a cluster.
Men, for example, at a wedding reception, when your eyes first meet, she holds your gaze, narrows her eyes, shifts to a readiness posture, smiles, then looks down to break off eye contact.
One cluster of gestures cannot be relied on. To be certain of her interest, wait until you see another cluster. However, when she first shows interest, reciprocate with a cluster of your own. Shift your posture to erect, slightly narrow your eyes, then, after you look away, adjust your tie.
After a few minutes walk toward the group of people she is nearest to as if you are going to join them. With your peripheral vision, notice her body language as you get closer to her.
No matter what happens as you approach the group, don't go over to her. Situate yourself where you can make further eye contact. Look in her direction now and then. Send another cluster of gestures. If she doesn't reciprocate, move on.
PRACTICE MAKES YOU AWARE
No matter where you are, the mall, a party, at the office, in a bar, make it a habit to study couples and small mixed groups. Become aware of the exchange of signals. Don't listen to words! Study what and how she's communicating and how he's responding.
Play a game with yourself or with a companion. Is the brunette in the blue dress interested in the guy wearing the Raiders cap? When he makes his move, figure out how she used her postures and gestures to get him to come over and talk with her.
Watch people until you're able to tell: (a) if he's interested in the woman across the room or the one he's talking with (b) how does she let him know he's supposed to come over and talk with her (c) how does she, or he, nonverbally announce the conversation is over?
SUMMING IT UP
Based on these facts, what will you do during the next few courtship conversations that you have never done before?
- People form 90 percent of their opinion about you in the first 90 seconds.
- Communication is 60 percent nonverbal and 40 percent verbal. Of the verbal portion, only 10 per cent is accomplished by the words themselves! The other 30 percent is done by how the words are spoken, inflection and tone of voice.
- Information that is retained was received by the brain as follows: 85 percent by the eyes, 10 percent by the ears and 5 percent by touch, taste and smell.
- When the verbal and the nonverbal parts of the message are congruent, the listener believes the message. If they are incongruent, usually the speaker's words are saying yes, but his body is saying no.
There are players. There are sincere people who are afraid and nervous because they have been hurt before. There are people who don't do exactly the right things because they are inexperienced or recently back in the single world.
Body language makes it easier to know who's who.* R. Don Steele is one of the dating industry's pioneers. Over the last three decades, he has appeared on hundreds of television and radio shows, taught classes on sharpening one's social skills, and written best-selling books on body language and dating. He can be found at www.rdonsteele.com.
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Steele says attraction is easy when you're able to read body language.
| BODY LANGUAGE TIPS |
| Women vs. Men |
|
Women are up to twenty times better than men at reading body language cues. Why? It is believed women are actually born more perceptive to body language. Women have traditionally been the primary care-giver for young children and have relied on non-verbal communication to communicate with them. Thus, they are much more adept at reading body language. - allstardatingtips.com |
