How to Date Younger Men
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There will be exciting differences
A younger man will force you to grow. He will open the door to a new vision of life. He may not listen to the same type of music, or use the same reference points in conversation that are familiar to you. He may have a completely different world view--- one freer and more open. You will be forced to see things differently, and learn new things. That's good. You'll be aware of a new world, and see it with new eyes.
There will be enough commonality to connect you, but enough differences to excite you. The connection you share will be one of resonance, not formula. Expansion and excitement are the hallmarks of involvement with a younger man. Be ready to do the “unexpected date,” go to the novel location, and experience the unknown. Be ready to laugh. Be willing to let go of what you know, and enter the new. Your life will be richer for it.
You may not be the one in control
The term “Cougar” conjures up images of a stealth hunter on the prowl for her next easy prey. It sounds empowering, and women are loving the comparison. But in reality, media has taunted us with a myth. The only thing a secure established woman controls, is her own life. Not another's.
As an older woman, you've had the added years of self reflection to have learned your truth, and live authentically. You've become less reactive (what men call “crazy”), taking on life with a greater perspective while taking yourself less seriously. You've won enough battles to know your strengths, and lost enough challenges to know you'll survive. But don't assume this younger man is a toy, or easy prey.
Younger men are the product of an evolving world. You may easily discover your younger man is more enlightened than anticipated. He may be able to handle things in the dating/relationship process, that you are not. Let him be himself, and allow yourself to be the woman you've always wanted to be. Know what you want. State your truth. Don't worry. You're not giving up control. You are, in reality, taking authentic control. You're entering co-creation.
Younger men view dating in terms of partnership. While former versions of dating assumed male and female roles, today's younger guys prefer to create original models. Resist the temptation to mold him into the rigid dating versions of the past. Don't allow the old roles to limit your vision.
By assisting each other and working together, you can create the version of dating/relationship that works best for both of you. Here is where you get to exercise real control. In evolving partnership models, two people function as one unit, with equal input and joint control. It's a vast improvement on the old dating design. From my years of research, this type of partnership is where the real magic happens.
He's probably had more sex than you have
While you might think you're the one with all the experience, here's where the tables often turn. Just because he's young, doesn't mean he's sexually naïve. Age doesn't equal sexual experience. Younger generations have grown up with a more open attitude toward sexuality.
From the statistics I've studied, many young men have been active since their early teens. Their entire sexual landscape is uncluttered by the former mores of times past. Sexuality is viewed as a healthy, normal part of human expression. It's a new terrain, where nothing is taboo and nothing is abnormal between consenting adults. You may just learn a thing or two from him.
We always hear that older men are better in bed. Personally, I can't comment on this one. I think it's just a rumor... started by old men. The oldest man I've ever dated, was still 12 years younger than myself. While older men are said to have mastered the art of pleasing a woman--- again, this is anecdotal. I've heard far too many complaints to believe it's factual. Judging from what my girlfriends tell me, it's definitively dicey.In this arena, older doesn't always mean better. As for me, I'll take my chances with younger men. I know what to expect.
In time, perhaps I'll have the opportunity to experience a man in his 50's or 60's. At that point, I will have the answer... are older men better in bed? But at 80, I probably won't feel like writing about it.
* Susan Winter is the author of Older Women/ Younger Men, New Horizon Press, 2000. Winter is a relationship expert and social futurist. She is also a seasoned television anchor and radio host, and is launching the eagerly anticipated Older Women/Younger Men Radio in April 2008. You can contact her at info@susanwinter.net.
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Winter says dating younger men isn't as difficult as many believe.
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