The "Myth" of Dating
continued...
So when you go out on a date, those old mental habits creep in asking:
- "What activity should we do so that she'll be impressed?"
- "Do I have enough money to spend? How much should I spend on her?"
- "What should I talk about?"
And then on the date, you're thinking,
- "Is she having fun?"
- "Does she like me?"
- "Did I say the wrong thing?"
- "Will she give me a goodnight kiss? How should I make my move?"
Yuck.
Let me give you my mindset for dates.
First, I want to hang out with her -casually, like I would with a friend.
Maybe meet at a local pub for a couple rounds of beer, or get some late night grub at my favorite hot dog shack, or play frisbee in the park.
Stuff I'd do with a buddy.
Now I know what you're thinking - what about romance?
Well romance is not about spending a lot of money at some fancy French restaurant, and drinking champagne in a limousine.
Romance is about those little magical moments that arise when two people are comfortable with each other, in the moment, when all the pressure's gone.
Memorize that.
So when you HANG OUT, casually, with no pressure or pretensions... just you and her having a fun, relaxed time, all kinds of funny, quirky, cute romantic moments will be FREE to come about.
You can't force real romance.
My second mindset for when I hang out with a woman, is...
"Do I want to sleep with her?"
Seriously.
I've slept with so many good-looking women that turned out to not be worth the effort.
I've gone on dates, spent money, spent time, put up with all sorts of games, only to later find out that the woman is NOT fun, NOT interesting, and NOT good in bed.
So I really am screening.
But in a fun, relaxed way - because the only way I can decide if I really like a woman is if she is being herself.
So I want the date to be pressure-free -no fancy dinner across-table interviews.
No resume spewing.
No attempts to impress each other (okay she can try to impress me - that's fine :)
And this is the mindset of a natural.
You see, naturals - the guys you watch get all the women and you can't figure out how - don't know a lot of theory or psychology.
They have deep understandings; they have beliefs that fuel their game.
And these beliefs lead to very simple mindsets for how they deal with women.
Here are a couple I've heard from some of the best naturals out there:
"I just show her I'm interested.""I say the one thing that will shock her the most - the thing she's least expecting."
"I let her know I'm HER trophy."
"No apologies - I do me all the way." That's IT!
No techniques or routines or complex strategies or methods.
Just natural game fueled by beliefs...
And beliefs are nothing more than understanding, and mental habit.
So stop listening to other guys brag about their successes.
Make your own stories, and have the success you deserve.
* Vin DiCarlo is one of the world's premier dating coach and trainer. He draws on his scientific and analytical background and combines it with his vast real-life experience with women in order to transform his clients. He can be found at www.vindicarlo.com.
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DiCarlo says developing a new mindset will earn the results you want.
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For many singles, the fear of rejection is so great, they convince themselves approaching is not worth the risk. That the risks of being vulnerable outweigh any and all positives. These beliefs couldn't be any further from the truth. Their fear couldn't be any more misguided. The only thing singles should fear is arriving home and kicking themselves for not approaching someone they were interested in. - allstardatingtips.com |
