Mistakes Made in Bars/Clubs
continued...
Number one - Go to venues that fit your style.
- If you're a hipster, go to hipster bars.
- If you like to dance, go to hip hop clubs.
- If you are younger, go to college bars.
- If you are older and not as wild as you used to be, find a cool lounge filled with professionals.
Here's the secret.
Become a regular.
This may sound like small fries, and I personally like trying new places, but once you find a spot you like, go there often, or whenever you can.
This will help you get over that whole "intimidation" thing, and you'll feel much more relaxed - so much so that you will realize why I place so much importance on this.
Secondly, don't overdo it.
In the pickup/seduction community, it's considered the status quo to go out every night and approach tons of women.
I did that in my early days, and I actually think it held me back.
Here's why:
- I was practicing bad habits over and over.
- I wasn't giving my mind time to process my experience, and formulate a solution.
- I was a madman - like the Tazmanian Devil of pickup.
Let me explain.
When you are trying to change, to reach some goal, you need to work hard, but you also need rest.
It's during that rest period that your mind puts the pieces together.
It's weird...I've actually made my biggest leaps of progress when I chilled out for a few weeks.
When I came back to it I was better, and able to reach a new plateau (and we all know how frustrating it is to stay on the same plateau for too long).
The third thing I would change about going out if I could do it all over again is this...
I would have stopped planning for problems and negative outcomes.
What I mean is, I used to think "OK what if she says this," or "what if the group does this," or "what if there's a boyfriend who wants to punch me - how will I dodge his punch while throwing the girl in the taxi."
We all do it - we rehearse what could go wrong, and we try to formulate some strategy.
Well guess what - strategy is overrated.
Colin Powell said this,
- "No battle plan survives contact with the enemy."
It's true.
You can plan all week for Saturday night, but really, you have NO CLUE what will happen.
I think about it like this - your brain is a super-computer, and has been developing for millions of years.
You have the ability to improvise, to adapt, to be a genius in the moment.
After awhile, I threw out all my notes and routines, and plans.
I went out with an empty mind, and fed my subconscious with tons of experiences.
And that's when I started to put the pieces together.
My beliefs changed - my focus changed.
It became NATURAL.
You don't have to go out 5 nights a week to get good with women.
Guys who are naturally good at this stuff didn't take that route.
Their minds work in such a way that they pay attention to the RIGHT things when talking to women.
And when you talk to these guys, their advice makes no sense.
That's because they are trying to give you THEIR experience - but you can onlyget your own.
If you don't experience the inner shift, the learning, if it's not YOUR mind putting the pieces together, it won't happen for you.
* Vin DiCarlo is one of the world's premier dating coach and trainer. He draws on his scientific and analytical background and combines it with his vast real-life experience with women in order to transform his clients. He can be found at www.vindicarlo.com.
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DiCarlo says developing a new mindset will earn the results you want.
| DATING TIPS |
| No risk = No reward |
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For many singles, the fear of rejection is so great, they convince themselves approaching is not worth the risk. That the risks of being vulnerable outweigh any and all positives. These beliefs couldn't be any further from the truth. Their fear couldn't be any more misguided. The only thing singles should fear is arriving home and kicking themselves for not approaching someone they were interested in. - allstardatingtips.com |
